I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just invented taco cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.