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    (443): View more from Maryland

    remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing

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    Replies (3) Good night (1778) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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    (858): View more from California

    I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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    Replies (6) Good night (515) Bad night (1795) Order T-Shirt
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    (907): View more from Alaska

    I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

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    Replies (38) Good night (8529) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
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    (512): View more from Texas

    i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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    Replies (203) Good night (39999) Bad night (3192) Order T-Shirt
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    (312): View more from Illinois

    She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

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    Replies (9) Good night (3989) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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    (334): View more from Alabama

    Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

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    Replies (24) Good night (2168) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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    (206): View more from Washington

    I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

    (1-206): View more from Washington

    Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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    Replies (8) Good night (1075) Bad night (1742) Order T-Shirt
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    (760): View more from California

    i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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    Replies (7) Good night (465) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
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    (508): View more from Massachusetts

    Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK

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    Replies (9) Good night (1892) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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    (917): View more from New York City

    Um, that's called prostitution

    (773): View more from Illinois

    Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

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    Replies (4) Good night (2599) Bad night (433)
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    (202): View more from Washington, DC

    Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

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    Replies (25) Good night (2517) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.

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    Replies (8) Good night (623) Bad night (1985)
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    (308): View more from Nebraska

    Without porn, I would have few hobbies.

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    Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
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    (202): View more from Washington, DC

    i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady

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    Replies (21) Good night (1793) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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    (508): View more from Massachusetts

    I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.

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    Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (1890) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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