She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh shit. There are penis maracas