He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.