We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself