My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack