Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...