Texts From Last Night

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(951): View more from California

My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

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(951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7

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(773): View more from Illinois

I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

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(773): I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out. http://tfl.nu/l8yc

Replies (20) Good night (4729) Bad night (1051)
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(941): View more from Florida

my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

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(941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store. http://tfl.nu/vfks

Replies (20) Good night (6285) Bad night (804)
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(585): View more from New York

you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"

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(585): you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son" http://tfl.nu/6lgp

Replies (3) Good night (4837) Bad night (743)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

sounds like you fell off the wagon.

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

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(617): sounds like you fell off the wagon. (1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon. http://tfl.nu/7sjj

Replies (5) Good night (4399) Bad night (965)
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(386): View more from Florida

You going to midnight mass? we need a dd

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(386): You going to midnight mass? we need a dd http://tfl.nu/65xe

Replies (54) Good night (7784) Bad night (957)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...

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(717): I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine... http://tfl.nu/s1vo

Replies (11) Good night (4246) Bad night (724)
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(616): View more from Michigan

somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

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(616): somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult. http://tfl.nu/q2ig

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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(920): My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas. http://tfl.nu/6lzb

Replies (20) Good night (1116) Bad night (4946)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.

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(413): Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/3v3s

Replies (54) Good night (8914) Bad night (1549)
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(678): View more from Georgia

The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

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(678): The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic. http://tfl.nu/0ai8

Replies (56) Good night (10275) Bad night (1470)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.

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(908): it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season. http://tfl.nu/4nsl

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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(204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro

Replies (34) Good night (7548) Bad night (1142)
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(607): View more from New York

: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

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(607): : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too? http://tfl.nu/kg01

Replies (36) Good night (5158) Bad night (856)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.

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(330): I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical. http://tfl.nu/0rx8

Replies (16) Good night (6710) Bad night (795)

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