hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.