Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?