There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.