maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.