Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.