my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i drank out of a bidet.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball