Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.