bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god