she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
