And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall