Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.