what is it with giant penises always finding me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?