fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.