This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign