She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.