Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it