Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages