He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Send us your Text From Last Night!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..