My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!