I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..