New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail