Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!