What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
do nipples grow back?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game