Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Pooping to opera.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!