Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
