i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.