I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub