Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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