she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.