I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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