WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works