there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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