I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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