yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person