not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your face is a jimmy john
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex