He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.