I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.