he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
okay pat passed out under dana's car
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays