Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
