There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.