two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your face is a jimmy john