My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.