I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your face is a jimmy john
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?