I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
okay pat passed out under dana's car