wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.