Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.

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  (832): Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now. http://tfl.nu/5w4p
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.

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  (801): You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that. http://tfl.nu/if9w
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  (940): View more from Texas

  P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.

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  (940): P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message. http://tfl.nu/r5mr
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"

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  (306): And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing" http://tfl.nu/qhff
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  (310): View more from California

  It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots

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  (310): It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots http://tfl.nu/44j2
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.

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  (336): I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/wwtn
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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  (+44): You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste. http://tfl.nu/s042
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb

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  (309): Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb http://tfl.nu/q450
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  (805): View more from California

  guess who came home with a hottie last night

  (1-805): View more from California

  Def drugged

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  (805): guess who came home with a hottie last night (1-805): Def drugged http://tfl.nu/j05c
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.

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  (202): I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney. http://tfl.nu/fw2g
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.

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  (612): Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery. http://tfl.nu/hvee
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  (941): View more from Florida

  You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

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  (941): You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard. http://tfl.nu/vxrl
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.

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  (443): Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan. http://tfl.nu/9jkn
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.

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  (610): I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/nwna
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face

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  (571): I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face http://tfl.nu/0ur8
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