i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.