It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
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All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation