Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.