sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful