bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them