His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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