God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.