he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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