Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.