Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.