I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
