So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.