i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.