I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
