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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
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