Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
