No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?