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And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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