You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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